


Back to You - Part 3

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, Futurefic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-01
Updated: 2003-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark and Lex finally get (almost) everything out in the open and realize that they are quite a pair.  Part 3 of 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to You - Part 3

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of 3. Thanks to Kellie for the beta and everyone for their kind feedback on the first two parts. Hopefully, this will live up to your expectations. Please send feedback! The entire series can be found at the Smallville Slash Archive (<http://smallville.slashdom.com/>) as well as my own Web site (<http://www.sjlee.org/smallville/>). 

## Back to You - Part 3

by Hecubus

<http://www.sjlee.org/smallville/>

* * *

Disclaimer: Smallville and its characters belong to the WB and DC Comics. I don't own any of it. This story is for entertainment purposes only. 

Author's 

* * *

Clark stood awkwardly in Lex's bedroom. He had abandoned his muddy boots and socks in the foyer and had carefully followed Lex into the private wing of the penthouse, trying to leave as little of a mess behind him as possible. Lex hurriedly pulled out fresh clothes from his dresser-- some old sweatpants, a pair of simple white cotton boxers. 

"Here, these should fit you," Lex said as he handed the clothes to Clark. "Why don't you get out of those wet clothes, take a hot shower, and then we'll... we'll talk about everything when you're ready." 

"Okay," Clark answered softly, refusing to look at Lex, staring at the clothes in his hands. After a moment, he finally nodded and made his way into the bathroom. 

After Clark closed the door behind him, Lex sighed heavily and staggered over to his bed. He sat down, leaning back on propped up pillows, and threw his arm over his eyes. He would need to compose himself for what was coming next. His heart had ached seeing Clark so distraught, soaking wet and in despair, and feeling like it was because of his own shortcomings as a friend. 

Clark took off his clothes, leaving them in a wet pile on the floor, too tired for any attempt at neatness. He stepped into the shower, turning on the faucets and letting nearly scalding hot water come at him from every angle in Lex's multi-head shower. It relaxed his muscles, muscles that felt like they had been tensed for days, weeks now and Clark found himself crying softly. He didn't even know what he was crying about-- perhaps he was just finally letting go. After seeing Lex today, he felt like even if they didn't end up together, somehow things would work out. Seeing Lex always made him feel that way. But there would be a lot of work for the two of them before it did. 

Tears shed and body warmed, he stepped out of the shower. He dried off and pulled on the boxers, the sweatpants. The rain and the elements rarely affected Clark-- he felt little physical pain or discomfort-- but now, after taking a hot shower, drying off with some luxurious Egyptian cotton towels and putting on soft, freshly washed clothes, Clark sighed with pleasure. He stood up straight, took a deep breath and pulled himself together to face Lex. He slowly opened the door and walked back into the bedroom, finding Lex on the bed, breathing evenly, eyes closed. 

"Lex?" Clark called out softly, wondering if he had fallen asleep. 

"I'm awake, Clark," Lex said clearly as he opened his eyes and sat up. "I just needed to... lie down for a little while..." he trailed off as his eyes fell on Clark, who was standing in front of him with his wet mop of shiny black hair, finely tanned bare chest and large green eyes, shiny with tears. 

"Thanks for the shower. And the clothes," Clark said, smiling awkwardly as he dried his hair. "I didn't mean to be any trouble." 

"Always so polite," Lex commented as he swung his legs around to sit on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor. "Please, Clark. You've been avoiding me for weeks now. I'm almost glad I found you today. Who knows when I'd be able to finally talk to you again?" He stared down at the floor and shook his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you the other day. I never meant for it to come to this." 

"It's okay, Lex," Clark answered, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Lex. Relaxed from the shower and fresh clothes, Clark almost wanted to forget the whole thing. He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was, like how it felt right now, sitting in this room, quiet and close to Lex. "It's not your fault. I'll get over it... over you." 

"Maybe I don't want you to," Lex said softly as he turned his head to look at Clark. Clark met his gaze and Lex saw surprise, confusion, hope in his eyes. He opened his mouth to continue, but felt his mouth go dry at the continual sight and smell of a freshly showered, half-naked Clark. He turned around and grabbed an old t-shirt resting on the nightstand. "Look, I found this somewhere in the recesses of my closet. Put it on-- it should fit you." 

"Recesses of your closet, huh?" Clark said, slight bitterness creeping into his voice as he took the shirt and saw that it was clearly too big for Lex. "You sure David won't mind me wearing his clothes?" 

Lex ignored the hostility in Clark's voice, realizing that Clark was hurt and was grabbing at straws for an explanation, an explanation that Lex owed him. "Actually, it's yours," he answered. "You left it at the castle years ago and I didn't have the will power to give it back." 

"Will power?" Clark asked in a surprised voice as he pulled the shirt over his head. 

"You were at the castle before your big date with Lana," Lex explained, remembering the day clearly in his mind. "You were asking me for advice on what to wear and in your hurry to make sure you picked her up on time, you left it behind. And in a moment of weakness, I held onto it, hiding it away in the back of my closet just to know that I always had a piece of you in my home." 

Clark simply looked at Lex, eyes wide in surprise. 

"I know, Clark. It rides the fine line between romantic and creepy, but back then, I wasn't as good at denying my feelings for you as I am now," Lex said, self-effacing and slightly embarrassed. Seeing Clark blush and stare back at him with those soulful, innocent eyes, he sighed. "God, Clark. Did you really think that I haven't been interested in you all these years? That I haven't secretly lusted after you since the day I met you?" 

"I didn't," Clark answered quickly. "I thought you might be interested in me-- all those times I could have sworn you were flirting with me. And now that I finally got my act together enough to do something about it, I thought you'd return my feelings..." Clark trailed off, pausing for a moment. "At least until... until you completely rejected me the other day. Why didn't you just tell me you were involved with someone else?" he asked in a frustrated, almost hurt voice. "I would have been disappointed, but I would have been happy for you." 

"Clark, nothing's going on between me and David. Well, at least not anymore," Lex answered, deciding it was time to finally come clean about everything. He had tried to keep this part of his life from Clark, not wanting to think or talk about it himself, but like all other things in his life, it didn't seem real unless he could talk to Clark about it. "Yes, we dated, yes, I love him-- as a friend-- but no, I'm not in love with him. He left me for that very reason." 

"What do you mean?" Clark asked, genuinely curious. 

Lex took a deep breath before he began opening up and finally sharing everything that had gone on in his life, everything that rested in his heart. He stood up, starting to pace around the room, refusing to look at Clark so he could detach himself somewhat from the situation, detach himself enough so he could say what he had to say. "When you left for school, my last reason for staying in Smallville was gone. I moved back to Metropolis with full force, throwing myself into my work, into building LexCorp." 

"I know," Clark answered, smiling and looking up at Lex for a moment. "I was so proud of you. I still am." 

"God," Lex said, almost whining with frustration. "When you do things like that, when you say things like that, how can I not fall in love you?" 

"What?" Clark said, taken aback. He had thought this conversation was about how Lex was seeing David, about how Lex might have had feelings for Clark, he was in love with David, not Clark. "Lex, I thought..." 

"Wait, Clark," Lex said softly, putting a hand up to stop Clark. "I'll explain. I'll explain everything." 

Clark fell silent and leaned back onto the edge of the bed, patiently waiting for Lex to continue. The anticipation was killing him, but at least this was better than running around in the rain. 

"Anyway," Lex started again, "even though LexCorp was doing so well, even though it finally seemed like I had everything I ever wanted, I was still lonely. I had always been a loner, but after meeting you, after knowing you and being friends with you for just those three or four years, all of my expectations for what life was supposed to be like changed. I wanted a friend again, someone to talk to, someone to spend time with, someone to care about." 

"Oh, Lex," Clark sighed, once again pained by how Lex Luthor, a man who everyone envied, would want such a simple thing and find it so difficult to have. "I'm sorry we lost touch. That never meant I stopped being your friend." 

"I know, Clark. I know. But I'm new to this whole 'friends' thing and I don't always handle change well," Lex said, suddenly shy. "I threw myself into work, into going out, keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of... off of the loneliness. I met David one of these nights. In a club. I guess you could say I was little past `tipsy' and on my way to `drunk' when I saw him. I thought he was you." 

"When was this?" Clark asked, trying to put together everything Lex was telling him. 

"Last fall." 

"I was still at school," Clark responded quickly. "You knew that." 

"Yes, Clark, but you seem to ignore the fact that I was drunk," Lex replied pointedly. 

"I thought you said `on your way to drunk.'" 

"Details," Lex said, shaking his head and dismissing Clark's point. 

Clark chuckled lightly, easing some of the nervousness in the room, and considered Lex's words. "Well, he does kind of look like me, I guess." 

"He does. Not exactly, but the resemblance is definitely there." Lex paused and looked at Clark as he sat perched on the edge of the bed, head down and pensive look on his face as he processed everything Lex was telling him. On a physical level, Clark and David were both achingly beautiful and no one could even attempt to decide who was better looking. For a moment, Lex let his eyes roam over Clark's face, his body, remembering all the time he had dreamt and fantasized about touching and knowing every intimate part of his best friend. 

Clark didn't seem to notice Lex's gaze as he sat deep in thought and truly tried to understand Lex, who he was, and what he was trying to explain to him-- no matter how much it might hurt him. Just like Clark always did. David was like that too-- always trying to be understanding, empathetic. It was David after all who pointed out the possibility of Lex's feelings for Clark even if he had never even met Clark. They were both good people, sweet and honest, kind and giving. How could people not be drawn to them? Lex wondered to himself. 

Clark looked up, interrupting Lex's thoughts and breaking the silence. "So, what, you're saying you went after him, dated him because he reminded you of me?" 

"Not exactly," Lex said, clearing his throat and trying to keep his composure so he could get through everything he wanted to tell Clark. "He caught my eye because he looked so much like you, but he's the one who approached me that night and when I got to know him, I realized he wasn't you. But he is a good man and I do love him," Lex added quickly, not wanting to give the impression that he was ever disappointed in who David was. "Next to you, he's one of the best friends I've ever had. We dated for almost a year and it was the best romantic relationship I've ever been in. But I knew and he knew that I could never fall in love with him. He... he dumped me about a month before you moved to Metropolis," he finished lamely. 

"I don't get it, Lex," Clark said, shaking his head and rising to pace around the room himself. "You tell me you were lonely, that you missed having a friend and then David comes along and you tell me that, in him, you found all of the things you were looking for. You tell me you love him, that he's good man, and you're obviously still close to him. Why aren't you with him?" 

"Because I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you," Lex answered, finally looking Clark in the eye, frustration, almost desperation in his eyes, his voice. "I knew it, but wouldn't admit it to myself. He knew it, knew I wasn't in love with him, that I seemed to still have feelings for someone else, but he just didn't know who." 

Finally saying those words, Lex realized that no matter how beautiful or good or kind David was, he always found himself drawn to the memory of Clark and now that he was back in Metropolis, Clark himself. There was something intangible, inexplicable, incomprehensible, but ultimately undeniable between them. He realized that while we can perhaps enumerate and list all the traits we might look for in a person or like about someone, it is something beyond description that tips the scales, that pushes us from being good friends or maddeningly infatuated to being deeply, truly in love. 

"Don't you get it, Clark?" Lex asked almost frantically as he moved to stand in front of Clark, looking up into that beautiful face. "It always comes back to you." 

Clark met Lex's gaze, his words sinking in. Finally, he sighed and shook his head, stepping to the side to sit back down on the bed. "God, we really are a fucked-up pair," he muttered, running his hands through his hair, over his face. 

"What?" Lex asked, not quite believing he had just heard Clark Kent swear. 

"We really are a fucked-up pair," Clark repeated, looking up to find a confused Lex. "Look at us, both desperately in love with the other, but too stupid to realize it and go for it." 

Lex opened his mouth to speak, but he was at a loss. He hadn't expected this conversation to go like this. 

"Lex," Clark started, sensing Lex's confusion and realizing he had some explaining to do too. "Before I moved to Metropolis, I didn't break up with Paul. He broke up with me. I loved him. We were best friends, lovers. But he knew something was missing. He knew I was holding back." 

"What do you mean?" Lex asked, relaxing a little and moving to sit next to Clark on the bed. 

"I was in love with you," Clark said simply as he turned his body to face Lex. "I couldn't give everything to him because I was holding myself back, holding myself back for you." 

"But you never said anything. At least not until the other day..." Lex stopped, not wanting to revisit that day in the car. 

But Clark just said, "I know," nodding his head. "That's because I don't think I admitted it to myself until I saw you again. I always thought that whatever was missing between Paul and me, whatever was missing between anybody I dated and me was because of... because of..." 

"Because of what?" Lex prompted. 

"Because I was unable to really throw myself into a relationship," Clark recovered quickly. He knew he would have to tell Lex the real reason some day, probably sometime later that day, but he had more pressing things to work out right now. "Unable to commit I guess. But when I moved to Metropolis, when I started spending time with you again, I realized that it wasn't that I was unable to commit. It was that I just hadn't found the right person." 

Lex nodded at Clark's words, words that echoed a sentiment he had heard months ago. "We really are a fucked-up pair," he said, shaking his head. 

"I know." 

"That's exactly what David said." 

"Said what? About what?" 

"My relationship with him," Lex answered. "We always kept it a secret-- I didn't want to come out to the public with my sexuality and David didn't want to be too closely associated with me for business reasons. Unfair connections, conflict of interest and all. And when he told me he loved me, I hid behind the idea that I haven't had a single functional relationship in my life and that I just didn't know how to fall in love, that I couldn't fall in love. When David told me he was leaving, I thought it was because of that, because we couldn't be out in public, because I hadn't told him I loved him. But he said that I was more than capable of falling in love and that if I really was in love with someone, man or woman, I wouldn't hesitate to be open about it." 

Clark nodded in agreement and said, "You've never been one to change your ways because of what the public might think." 

"I know," Lex replied. "Only you have that affect on me," he added, smiling before he continued. "He was right. Sitting here with you, hearing you say that you might be in love with me too, I realize I am capable of falling in love. I've been in love with you since the day I met you and if you asked me to, I'd tell the world." 

Clark smiled at Lex's words, but could still hear the doubt in his voice. "I'm not saying that I might be in love with you," he clarified. "I'm saying that I am in love with you. This isn't just a crush, Lex." 

Lex laughed lightly, embarrassed, but elated at Clark's words. "I'm glad to hear it." 

Clark studied Lex's face and he saw him smiling back at him, but he knew Lex wasn't completely convinced. "You still don't really believe it, do you?" 

"Well, Clark," Lex said as he looked down into his lap and started to wring his hands. "Believing that I'm capable of love is one thing, but believing someone, especially you, is in love with me, is another thing." 

Clark watched Lex as he stared into his lap. "Is that why you... you turned me down that day in the car? Because you didn't believe I was really interested in you?" 

"Something like that," Lex answered softly, refusing to look up at Clark. "You're young, Clark. You have a million opportunities in front of you." 

"You're not that much older than me, Lex," Clark said, repeating Lex's sentiment when they had first reunited in Metropolis. 

"I know, Clark, but my life has been very different than yours," Lex said, shaking his head and thinking back on his life. Clark watched Lex closely as he spoke, realizing how much Lex revealed through his eyes. Sometimes, they gleamed with mischief, plotting. Sometimes, they darkened as he examined, analyzed. But more often than not, they showed a strange weariness. As young as the rest of him looked, his eyes often made him look older, jaded. They hinted at a sordid past and a tiring life. 

"Yes," Lex continued, "I've had every need catered to in my twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine years of life, but sometimes, I feel like I'm an old man trapped in this body. Before I even turned twenty-one, I had tasted almost every sin, every pleasure, and rebelled against everyone and everything. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm not trying to figure out who I am or fighting against who everyone else wants me to be." 

"And I've never asked you to be more than who you are," Clark answered, studying his friend. Lex looked up at him with genuine vulnerability in his eyes and Clark began to worry. "What are you trying to say?" he asked. "That you're in love with me, but you don't have room for me in your life?" 

"No, it's just... I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you," Lex said with a bittersweet sigh. "You saved my life that day on the bridge, but you've saved it a thousand times since then every time you believed in me or stood by my side or stood up to your parents, friends or hell, even my own father about me. Looking at you right now, I would give up everything to be with you, to just be able to kiss you, touch you..." Lex paused for a moment as he placed a hand on Clark's face, running his fingers over impossibly perfect, tanned skin and soft, pink lips, both of them breathing in sharply at the touch. "But it might not..." Lex continued sadly. "It might not work out... and..." 

"What?" Clark urged as he held Lex's wrist, keeping his hand on his face, lingering in the contact. 

Tears welled up Lex's eyes and whispered, "I'm afraid to death of losing you." He paused to fight back the tears-- tears of fear and pain that came from admitting this to Clark. It wasn't that he was ashamed of this weakness. It was that just imagining the possibly distressed Lex in such a profound way. 

He tried to compose himself and continued, voice cracking at first, but then steadying and growing stronger with each word. "I may not have been in love with David, but I did love him and when he left, I was filled with almost unbearable loneliness, regret and sadness. How much harder would it be if it were you?" Lex said in desperation. "I can live without being able to kiss you or touch you-- I've done that since the day I met you," he sighed. "But I don't think I could live without having you as a friend." 

"Lex, I'll make you this promise, a promise I've made a thousand times before: I'll always be your friend," Clark answered, stare intense and face serious for a moment as he looked at Lex. "But frankly, I don't know if I can live without being able to kiss you... or touch you," he continued, placing a hand on Lex and slowly running it down his chest, sending a shiver through them both, their minds clouded by the intensity of the moment, their desire for each other. 

Clark shifted on the bed, moving closer to Lex and taking his hands in his. Lex stared at the sight of their hands together for a moment before he looked up and practically gasped for air, finding Clark so close to him. 

Lex knew he couldn't hold out any longer. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath as Clark leaned in to kiss him. 

* * *

Epilogue 

News of Clark and Lex's relationship spread quickly, especially in the days following their talk. They couldn't get enough of each other during those first few days, finally being able to freely kiss and make love like they had fantasized about for years. Clark happily embraced the opportunity to be with Lex and truthfully, ended up being the stronger one in the relationship. Lex still feared making mistakes, not being to give everything Clark needed, wanted and deserved-- he was not used to feeling inadequate. But he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and simply reveled in the joy, the simple ecstasy of finally being with the person he had loved from afar for so long. He only hoped things would work, that he wouldn't lose Clark like he had lost David, that he wouldn't lose Clark like he had lost his mother or Pamela. Clark could sometimes see the shadow of fear on Lex's face, but Clark's faith in Lex and what they were capable of together held strong. And when Lex saw that, he breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and just like how he had seen Clark do the impossible all those times in Smallville, he thought that together, maybe they could do this too. 

Unfortunately, the press was quick on their heels-- numerous people had seen the couple out and about the town, kissing and hugging openly. 

"Mr. Kent! Mr. Kent!" reporters called out as Clark left his apartment building on his way to work. "How do you respond to the allegations that you are in a sexual relationship with Lex Luthor?" 

Clark chuckled as he pushed his way through the crowd, trying to get to the curb to hail a cab. "Well, I'd say that it's about more than sex." 

"Does that mean you're dating?" someone asked. 

"Yes, it does," Clark answered simply as a cab pulled up and he opened the door. 

"How long have you known each other? How did you meet? Are you planning on getting married?" 

Clark paused to answer before getting into the cab. "Well, considering the federal and state governments will not recognize a gay marriage, I don't think so, but we are in it for the long haul." 

Clark flashed his brilliant smile one last time, got into the cab and zoomed away. 

* * *

"Mr. Luthor! What is your relationship with Clark Kent? Is it true that he's your gay lover?" reporters asked as Lex's driver opened the door to the Bentley and Lex got out to enter the LexCorp building. 

"Well, if he's my lover, I think 'gay lover' would be the right kind," Lex answered snidely as he walked up the steps of the plaza. "And I don't think my bisexuality should be a surprise, considering you and your colleagues have been covering the events of my life since I was born." 

"So then, is Clark Kent your lover?" 

Lex stopped before walking into the building, turning around to formally address the press. "Clark Kent is my best friend and yes, one day I hope to consider him my partner. I am in love with him." 

"How did you meet?" 

"I hit him with my car. He saved my life. The rest is history." 

The End. 


End file.
